


For Once

by Quackyeon



Category: GOT7
Genre: Arranged Marriage, First Love, Historical AU, M/M, Misunderstandings, prince and a guard, royal au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:21:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22915429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quackyeon/pseuds/Quackyeon
Summary: Jaebum always knew he was going to guard the prince, but what he did not anticipate was falling in love with him.
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung, Im Nayeon/Park Jinyoung (GOT7), Kim Yugyeom/Park Jinyoung, Kunpimook Bhuwakul | BamBam/Park Jinyoung, Park Jinyoung/Jackson Wang, Park Jinyoung/Mark Tuan
Comments: 5
Kudos: 118
Collections: JJP Big Bang





	For Once

**Author's Note:**

> It takes a village to raise a child - and this is my rather unruly baby, so I should start by thanking my village. 
> 
> Thank you to the mod(s) and the fest who took this idea from being just a little plot bunny and made it into some raging genetically modified monster that would distract me at work and yet somehow never been done to the level I wanted it to be. 
> 
> Thank you to my beta's who dealt with all of my many mistakes - which you might still find when you read this, because of time constraints I was unable to send them the final version, but please know that your edits really helped me weave my story telling and make these boys live a somewhat clearer life. 
> 
> Thank you to my artist [HoneyPeach](https://twitter.com/jiangscheng) also found [here](https://t.co/OhS2Ht4I94), for creating something beautiful for these boys - I wish I could have given you the whole thing in advance. 
> 
> Thank you to my friends T, P and A who listened to me complaining about this fic as I struggled to find a way to end this, and thank you to my writing back up, who were always around to sprint and basically cheer me over this finish line. 
> 
> Finally, thank you to the readers, if you're silent I still appreciate you but I would love a kudos or a comment even. But of course just do what feels comfortable to you. Thank you so much.

[Art here](https://drive.google.com/open?id=1qQf-DNfaL24uYWzejpQDW1ZxWRbTxY7V)

The day that Jinyoung was born was unusually warm for a day in September, and Jaebum was always told that it was because the Gods smiled down on the world the day the prince was brought into it. Jaebum had been sceptical about this being the truth, but then when he met the prince for the first time he knew the stories were true. The prince was quiet, a little bit shy and playing with a toy horse. Jaebum had walked up, confident as ever and just sat down and begun joining in with the toy soldier that he had. The pair had played quietly, which was uncommon for children of their age, while the adults negotiated and planned around them not once having to stop to check on the children or quieten them down. Jaebum's father was the captain of the King's guard and Jinyoung the son of the King so they were both going to be around each other a lot. Maybe it was some sort of fate, knowing their lives would be intertwined, or maybe it was just a coincidence but something had made the two boys click in sync, with Jinyoung being able to make Jaebum smile without having to utter a single word. Jaebum was, of course, aware of their differences from the start, they might have been born the same year - and technically Jaebum was older, but Jinyoung was the prince and princes were afforded a certain amount of respect. Jaebum was not really a fan of rules - and he was not about to bow to his best friend - but he followed as many as were required to keep him with his best friend at most times. When they were young they would sneak into the kitchen and steal cookies before going to hide behind the stables to eat them. Things were easy when they could run around and play with each other and not have to worry. 

Jaebum knew, always, that there would be a time in their lives when they stopped walking the same path and were going to be set on different ways of life. Jaebum was six when his father first started to train him in swordcraft - he was going to follow his father into the military he knew that, he'd always known that was his path. Just as Jinyoung knew what his own path would be as the crown prince, he would bring honour to the nation and he would produce an heir. It had always been that way and it always would be that way, whether or not they wanted it. At first Jinyoung asked if he could join in on the sword lessons but Jaebum's father refused, it was not fitting for a prince to do that, a prince should forus on more pressing things, such as diplomacy or grand strategy and leave the sword fighting to the soldiers. Although, Jaebum was sure the other would be very good with a sword - they might be only six but they were yet to find something that Jinyoung did not excel in doing. 

Youngjae joined them when they were eight. He had been picked out of a school because of his intelligence - and his father had been a military strategist, and he was being trained alongside Jinyoung. Jaebum tried not to be too jealous of Youngjae, he got to spend all day, every day with his best friend and that was annoying, it was unfair. It was not his fault that he was born to a soldier and Youngjae was born to a strategist, but it still vexed him to see them laughing together as thye walked through the palace. 

When they were twelve Jaebum knew his feelings for Jinyoung hit a depth that was further than what one could expect from friends. It was frustrating, because it was making him angry, inexplicably so. It was making him lash out at people and Jaebum was starting to feel like it was never going to get better, it was never going to be bearable. It was always going to make him want to die, make him wish he could just run away. Looking at Jinyoung hurt, it hurt so badly, in a way that he couldn't explain but he had to get over it. One of the nights Youngjae came to sit with Jaebum on the green overlooking the training fields for the soldiers. It was a place where Jaebum came a lot, especially when he wanted to be alone. "How long are you going to keep making Jinyoung cry?" Youngjae said as he adjusted his coat, Jaebum continued to look at nothing. 

"I'm not doing anything." Jaebum said almost defiantly. He did not need a lecture from Youngjae about Jinyoung, what did Youngjae know about anything? "He was just being irritating today, he deserved what I said." 

"Right, well, now he's crying for what? the fourth day in a row. You really need to calm down with him." Youngjae took a slow breath, "I mean, Jaebum, I understand it must be hard to love someone who is far above your station-" 

"I do not love him." Jaebum said with a scowl. "More than any soldier loves his prince." 

"Right, you do know I was chosen because I'm perceptive, and I can practically see the _I love you, but I can not say it because you are royalty and I have a big sword_ debate going on in your head when you look at him. But do not dwell on it, as far as I can tell no one else in the palace has picked up on the fact that you desire him." Youngjae looked at Jaebum and gave him a small smile. "You desire him, and I know, I know it is hard to desire someone who you are not destined for, but it is not his fault." 

"What would you know about my desires for the prince. I just want him to be happy." Jaebum said looking at Youngjae. He had imagined that having someone know about his feelings would be scary, but he actually felt relieved that Youngjae now knew the secret he had been holding against his chest for so long. He felt as if he would always love Jinyoung, that he had always loved Jinyoung and nothing would ever be able to change that. "I just wish it was with me." 

Youngjae nodded, "Well, if you could stop making him cry every day that would be a good start." Youngjae offered, he gave Jaebum's arm a little squeeze. "Do you feel for only men?" 

"No, I do desire women." Jaebum spoke with a candor that came from knowing that Youngjae would never expose him, that Youngjae knew he was the best initiate for the armed forces, and that he was set to become Jinyoung's personal guard - and Jaebum would die before he let one hair on Jinyoung's hair get even ruffled. 

"Maybe you should find someone else to date. I love you both, but we cannot keep on going with you two hurting each other all the time." Youngjae said biting his lip. "If it carries on much longer other people will notice, and I do not know how it will change everything when others know." Jaebum understood what Youngjae was getting at. If the rest of the staff noticed that they did not get on any longer, or that Jinyoung was crying more after their exchanges, then Jaebum would probably lose his position in the palace, the position his father had held, the one he had been training for his whole life. He was not going to sabotage himself just because he could not kiss Jinyoung. 

"Do you think I should talk to him?" Jaebum said quietly, "I mean I'm obviously not going to tell him about why, but I should apologise for my actions." 

"Just, don't make it worse Jaebum, please." Youngjae said quietly and the solider got up, straightening his clothing and walking through the palace, he felt nervous - like he really was about to confess his feelings, he got to the Crown Prince's door, it was not unusual for them to see each other in their rooms when they were not working on anything or practicing. They were best friends and they had been inseparable as long as anyone could remember. When Jaebum got to the door, he could hear the sound of muffled crying. He wondered if any of the staff had heard or tried to talk to him, to discern why he was crying. Jaebum's heart broke, Jinyoung had always been sensitive, he had cried when they were children if someone told them a story where something bad happened. He cried when he sat with his father listening to the pleas of their subjects, he was already seen as a prince who would be a benevolent King who cared for his people, and Jaebum had cracked him, he'd made his tears spill again, but not tears of empathy, these were tears of his own pain and Jaebum felt like he had failed. He had sworn he would help to protect Jinyoung but here he was making everything worse. He knocked on the door gently. 

"Go away, I'm not hungry." Jinyoung's voice came, the tears were evident in his voice, but he was trying to sound like he was fine. Jaebum felt another pang of guilt that the other had not eaten. 

"It's me." Jaebum said and sighed when he heard Jinyoung getting out of his bed and shuffling to the door. He opened it and looked at Jaebum. "I know my problems are not that-" 

"No, Jinyoung, I was wrong to say that. I was just angry, but not at you, can I come in?" 

"Are you going to get mad again?" 

"No." Jaebum sighed a little, he really hated that the other sounded like he was scared of what the other was going to say. "I'm really sorry Jinyoung, I did not want to hurt you and I was just, frustrated with everything." Jinyoung nodded and let the other in. Jinyoung got into the bed like he did when they were kids, and Jaebum got in next to him, they lay in the bed facing each other. 

"Tell me." Jinyoung said quietly, "tell me what weighs on you, I'm your prince." 

"I just feel like I've never going to be good enough." Jaebum opted for telling the truth but withholding the key details. "I just want so much, but I cannot bring it to fruition. I feel like I'm fighting against myself and losing somehow." 

"I understand Jae." Jinyoung said quietly, cuddling the blanket closer. "Our lives have been planned out for us since before we were born, and it always feels like we have to be what we were planned to be, there is no room for deviation." Jinyoung looked sad, a sadness from inside himself, but also for Jaebum. "Sometimes it's claustrophobic." There was a small pause, "do you not wish to be the royal guard?" 

"Guarding you is the only thing I know I want to do." Jaebum said with a little smile, "I mean, we have to get through this together. Want someone else by your side?" 

"No, of course not, why would I want anyone other than my best friend." And just like that things went back together, they were working in sync again and it still stung Jaebum when he looked at Jinyoung, but he was doing better at at least pretending that he was not dying on the inside. He had decided he was going to move on, he had heard that one of the stable hands liked him, they began getting to know each other, and Soomi was nice. She was cute and when Jaebum was with her, he forgot all about Jinyoung. He liked to lie with her in the fields and just looked up at the sky and at the stars and talked about anything and everything. They talked about life and about finding happiness in their future, maybe they would be able to plan a different life together - although Jaebum did want to go away from the palace and the path he was on. 

He finally kissed her in the stables, it was nice, she was nice and he really did like kissing, her specifically. He held her close to him as he kissed her, unsure of how to do this, and if he was even good at it. They pulled back and laughed before kissing again and again. Jaebum smiled at his friends the next day, sitting with them on the grass as the other two poured over ancient maps. He was still a little kiss drunk, smiling over at them, Jinyoung glared a little at him. 

"Have fun?" He said, and Youngjae just buried himself further into the atlas, he just wanted to get away from it all. 

"What?" 

"In the stables." Jinyoung glared, "did you have fun in the stables? I did not even know you cared for horses." He stared into Jaebum and Jaebum was pretty sure that he would have died if looks could kill. He did not know they had been observed so this was already something great. 

"Jin." 

"I mean you-" 

"I don't really see how it's any of your business." 

"I'm your prince!" Jinyoung said standing up and shouting, Jaebum got up too and stared harder, defiant. 

"Oh and you get a say over who I kiss." 

"Fuck you Jaebum." 

"You're the one being a dick right now! Why do you care who I kiss, I don't police who you get involved with!" 

"You're supposed to be my guard!" 

"And? Does it mean I can't fucking kiss people!? My father is your father's guard and he has a fucking wife and kids. So i don't know why you're going off on me." 

"Fuck off Jaebum." Jinyoung shouted at him. 

"You're the one who has the problem. If you wanna kiss the stable girls just go and fucking kiss them no one is holding you back." 

"I hate you so much Lim Jaebum." 

"I hate you more." Both of them stormed off in different directions. 

It took months for things to go back to normal, they never really talked about it again. They kept moving on as if there had never been an issue and that worked out for both of them. As they got older Jaebum took on more of his responsibilities, he was now guarding the other man at night, he was guarding him during visits from other kingdoms and areas. When they were eighteen though, everything changed, Jinyoung came to find Jaebum and pulled him aside. "Are you on guard outside my door tonight?" 

Jaebum nodded, "As I am every night." 

Jinyoung flushed a little and Jaebum felt curious to know why exactly the other was acting like this. "Okay, so you know the translator that came with the young Japanese envoy." 

"Yes?" 

"He's going to visit me tonight, I want you to let him in and then leave your post." Jinyoung said with a firmness that made it clear that it was a command and not an option. Jaebum just nodded but that night he did not leave his post, he stood outside and he heard what they were doing and his heart broke. It broke until he felt like his heart was actually piercing his lungs. He could not breathe, his prince did feel for men - but just not him, and somehow it made it even worse. Now it was not just because Jaebum felt a way that Jinyoung could not, it was simply because the other just did not love him. When the translator left, Jaebum suggested cutting through the kitchens and then turned back to the door. He knocked and then entered. Jinyoung was sat up in the bed and they just looked at each other. "I told you to abandon your post." 

"You know I cannot." 

"I am your prince." 

"And I stand there on order of our King." Jaebum glared harder, "and if I had not been present, who would have told your lover to go through the kitchen as to not get caught." he rolled his eyes, "and really, Yugyeom? I mean it makes sense to take a lover who speaks so many languages, I bet his mouth works wonders." 

"Can you leave Jaebum? I'm tired, and I don't have the time to discuss who I lie with with you." 

"I- Why are you- You never told me" Jaebum said softly, "You never told me you liked him, you never told me you liked men. I just, we're best friends, I thought we knew everything." He said as if he was not hiding the fact that he was into both. 

"You never had to tell me you liked women, you just kissed one in the stables."

"You hid this from me because I kissed a stable hand when I was thirteen? Wow Jinyoung, that's a bit much, even for you." 

"I didn't tell you because it doesn't matter." 

"It does to me. I'm your best friend." 

"Well I have to marry a woman that I won't ever love so what's the fucking point of telling anyone." 

"Because you're my best friend in the world - and we've been in this together from the start." Jaebum took a small breath, "It's always been me and you against everything and you never told me." 

"It wasn't like I hid it Jae, but it won't mean anything in the end." 

"It will to me. Even if you were into, I don't know, my arch nemesis, I'd want to know. Really, I would want to... Did you tell Youngjae?" Jinyoung did not answer and Jaebum sighed, "right, so you told him, but you couldn't tell your best friend, are we even friends to you? You're-" 

"Oh stop with the guilt trip Jaebum." 

"You told him! You never told me, am I supposed to be glad about it? I am supposed to be your best friend!" 

"And! You said it yourself, you serve my father." 

"I serve the crown." 

"You know what it would do to my father, my family if people know."

"I'm your best friend. Or at least I thought I was." Jaebum stared at him, his rage a righteous fire burning inside him, they were best friends and this was how he was repaid. He ignored the hypocrisy of the fact that he had not told Jinyoung about his own feelings for me. 

"Youngjae knows because he is my diplomatic advisor, and it is his job to facilitate relations between delegates and hide the things he needs to." 

"I'm your guard." Jaebum sighed, "but you go to sleep, you had a hard time dealing with interpreter." Jaebum turned on his heel and left, he knew it was so stupid to be so worked up like this. He walked right to Youngjae's sleeping quarters and woke the other up. Youngjae looked at him and before he could say anything Jaebum just shifted to join the other in his bed. "Jin told you he likes men." Jaebum said flatly, as he adjusted the blankets so they could just lie next to each other. Youngjae nodded looking at him. 

"I told him to tell you." 

"I don't understand why he didn't." 

"Jae, he was scared." Youngjae said softly. "I love you both as my brothers, but you have to understand how serious this could be for him."

"I know." Jaebum said quielty, "but we're best friends, how could he not tell me?" 

"Oh like you tell him everything." Youngjae said, with a flatness that implied he knew what was deep in Jaebum's heart. The little seed inside of him that bloomed every time Jinyoung smiled at him, and made his heart swell. The part of him that was hurt not only because Jinyoung had never told him that he liked men but also that Jinyoung had not fallen in love with him. He knew that part of his anger was from the feeling of his own heart breaking, if Jinyoung wanted to kiss boys, why couldn't he want to kiss him? Youngjae rested his head down on the pillow. "Is this going to be a problem?" 

"No. Of course not." Jaebum said resting against the pillow too and shutting his eyes, as if he could just disappear from this all. "I serve the crown, no matter what." 

"Sleep, you have manoeuvres or something manly to do tomorrow." Youngjae sighed, "I know it is hard to love him." 

"I don't." 

"You've been saying that for years, but I know you do. Part of me thinks it's a good thing, because you really will take a blade for him, but how can I be happy seeing my best friend heartbroken." 

"I'm not heartbroken." 

"You don't have to lie to me." 

"I don't have a heart to break, I'm a soldier." 

"You're ridiculous." Youngjae said with a little laugh, they fell asleep soon after and Jaebum resolved that he would just go about his day as if the previous night had not happened. He was reprimanded for storming off from his post, but Youngjae must have lied to cover for him to try to reduce his punishment. Him and Jinyoung never really talked about what happened. It seemed like a pointless thing to discuss, it was not as if Jaebum could change what happened, and it still hurt to think of how Jinyoung appeared to want anyone but him. 

Jaebum sighed, this was the part of his role that he hated, he was around Jinyoung all the time - and that meant standing outside the door. Jinyoung had taken in the envoy, Mark. Jaebum scowled a little, he could hear them laughing together between pauses - where he could imagine they were kissing. He knew what was going to happen, he could practically see what they were doing. He gritted his teeth when he heard one of them push the other down onto the bed. He wanted to go in and break it up, they were getting louder, and he wished - he really wished to leave his post. He did not know why this was something he had to do. He knew that the prince had to be protected from what people would say, not only about him lying with envoys but about them being also male. 

He sighed when he could hear Jinyoung trying his best to keep quiet, he could hear what he could only imagine was Mark making Jinyoung see stars, he hated this. He hated everything about this, about listening to this. He could only pray they were quick, both of the men were getting louder and Jaebum wanted to disappear. It did not take too long for everything to go quiet and Jaebum could hear soft sounds, whispers maybe, small laugh as both of them came down from their highs. It wasn't too long later that the envoy opened the door. Jaebum eyed Mark, he looked dishevelled, as one would expect. "You need to take the third door on the right, it will come out in the kitchen so you won't look like you came into the royal quarters." 

"Thanks." Mark mumbled, blush flushing over his cheeks, as if embarrassed to be caught. Jaebum shook his head, he hated doing this, he hated watching the men leave Jinyoung probably asleep. A little later Jaebum went in to check the room and clear it up a little, he pulled the blankets over the prince, wishing he could stop his foolish heart skipping when the prince moved and made a small sound. Jinyoung barely stirred and once he had cleaned up the room, he went back out to his post, sleeping in the guard room that adjoined the prince's room when the other guard came to take him off duty. Jaebum lay on his back and wondered if the prince was still asleep, if he thought about Mark. He wondered if Jinyoung thought he loved the envoy - although Mark had only arrived a few days prior so that would be pretty quick. Or maybe it could be love at first sight, although Jaebum was inclined to believe that such a thing did not exist. What was the point in love at first sight, how could you know you were meant to be together. He knew that he loved Jinyoung for all that he was, not just what he looked like - and he was very beautiful, but for other things, for the way that he smiled, for the way that he always took the mushrooms off of his meals but never told the kitchen that he did not like them. For the way that Jinyoung would cry in his chambers after he'd spoken to subjects who had the saddest of stories. He just wanted to make him happy, he wanted to see that smile every day - and so he resolved to just accept that the prince was going to take a lover. 

Jaebum anticipated that when Mark left Jinyoung might mope about it - if he was as into him as the fact that Mark had made multiple visits to the prince would suggest. However, to his surprise Jinyoung acted as if nothing had happened. Jaebum was lay on his bed while Jinyoung read over some document Mark had left behind from his country. "Do you want to talk about the envoy?" 

"What about him?" Jinyoung said, not looking up from the paper. "He brought good news, they are willing to open a more secure trade line with us. My father will be most impressed with Youngjae and I, he may even allow us to take on a stronger role within the diplomatic strategy of our nation. Imagine my father finally acknowledging that I am not an infant any longer." 

"Your father just wants you to succeed. He is not withholding you from office because he feels you are not good enough, but maybe he just fears that he has more to teach you." 

"He just wants to stop me taking my role, I think he suspects..." 

"Oh no, as far as I can tell he does not. He would have asked my father, who would ask me if I knew anything about it." 

"And you would say?" 

"That it was false." Jaebum looked at him, "because that is what you and Youngjae want me to tell everyone." 

"It is what everyone wants to hear." Jinyoung sighed, "do you ever feel like our lives are not our own." 

"We have our own purposes." Jaebum sighed, "it is hard to follow these rules, but this is who we are. Is this about Mark?" 

"What about him?"

"Are you sad that he's gone?" 

"Not really... why would I be?" 

"He's visited your bed most nights." 

"And? We were just lying together, we were just doing it because he was very pretty. He was very nice under the covers too, but it was just that. I am not so foolish as to think that I could ever be able to be with someone I love. You know my father would never allow it - the other man would probably be imprisoned." Jinyoung sighed sadly. "Plus we both know at some point my dad is going to make me chose a wife." 

"You could have years for that." 

"It really does depend." Jinyoung said sadly, looking back at his communication from the other kingdom. Jaebum wondered how much it weighed on Jinyoung's mind that he could not pick a spouse that was true to who he wanted to be with, but he knew that it was the man's duty, just as it was his own to stand by and watch it all happen to the man he loved. He wished he could say it, could close the gaps between them and just say the words he'd been keeping in all this time, but he knew deep down that it would only make things worse. He was supposed to just guard the prince and not love him, but Jaebum was not sure that his heart was capable of it. 

It was not long until another opportunity arose. Jaebum tried not to be jealous, tried not to clench his jaw every time the envoy - who's name was Jackson but Jaebum would deny knowing it if asked - smile at Jinyoung and the way that Jinyoung smiled back. Jaebum felt his heart hurt, his chest was so tight and he wanted to just disappear. Jinyoung knew how to flirt and that meant that it was not happening because Jinyoung did not want him, and that went through him like ice. 

Jinyoung came over to him, giddy from the rice wine and the flirting. "So... I was thinking of asking Jackson back to my room." 

"Jackson?" 

"The envoy, looks strong." Jinyoung said with a little laugh, and Jaebum wished that Jackson appreciated this man the way he deserved, but he knew that he was not here for that reason. It was going to be just sex, and Jinyoung deserved so much better than that. "Are you on guard for me tonight?" 

"No" Jaebum said and Jinyoung's smile fell, Jaebum was clearly the only guard he trusted with that. "I can swap. I only swapped the first time because the guard doing the early morning's birthday is tomorrow." 

"You're the best." 

If Jaebum did not know better he might have thought that Jackson was killing his prince, it made his heart clench in a way that made Jaebum wish Jackson would have just killed him so he did not have to listen to this. He knew they were against the wall, and he could practically see what they were doing, how Jinyoung's legs looked wrapped around Jackson's hips as Jackson drove him into the wall, Jackson was driving into him. Jaebum wished he could leave but he had to protect the prince, it was his job to be here and it broke his heart, and he felt it tearing more and more every single sound than came out of the pair. Jaebum wished it was him, he wished he was more than Jinyoung's best friend, more than just the poor soldier's son who grew up, lucky to bathe in the glow of the prince. 

He heard when Jackson stopped moving and then heard him throw Jinyoung onto the bed. Jaebum's hand was on his sword, he was ready to bust into the room - being rough and throwing the prince could be more than just sex. But then he heard Jinyoung laugh a little, "you're the first man brave enough to throw a prince." Jinyoung sounded different, like he was trying to be seductive, something that Jaebum could not understand, Jinyoung did not need to try to be seductive, to be sexy, to draw a man in, Jaebum knew it made no sense that he the prince would bed all these envoys - also how did nations know to send envoys who also bed men. Jinyoung was soon back to crying out again and Jaebum was still stood there hand on the sword at his hips, he wanted to break it up, but he knew he had to stay outside. They finally finished, and Jackson left - unlike most of the men Jackson walked out with a confidence, he did not look embarrassed when he met Jaebum's eyes. 

"Through the kitchen, so no one knows." Jaebum said flatly, he moved later to go into the room, he sighed looking at Jinyoung. Jinyoung looked completely wrecked, lying on his side on the bed, blanket only covering his most private area. Jaebum moved to gently cover Jinyoung properly. Jinyoung's eyes flickered open, "go back to sleep Jin, I'll sort out the room." 

"You don't have to Jae, I can sort myself out." 

"I'm your guard Jin." Jaebum said softly, 

"You're my best friend." Jinyoung curled up under the blanket. "What would I do without you?" 

"You'd be fine. You'd torment another guard with your taste for foreign envoys." 

"Not like you don't have a taste for stable hands." 

"Jinyoung, I've not been with anyone- the stable girl was when we were thirteen, you can't hold her against me." 

"I was mad at you." Jinyoung mumbled, post-coital and tired, "I didn't know I was gay and you were kissing a girl. It was unfair." 

Jaebum laughed a little, fixing Jinyoung's hair, "It's not been that easy for me." He said tucking him in and making sure he felt safe. "You don't really know how hard it has been for me." 

"Tell me." He said quietly, Jinyoung had moved to hold onto his arm, "Will you sleep here tonight?" Jaebum eyed the bed, he did not want to lie next to Jinyoung where another man had been fucking him. Jinyoung shifted slightly, "I don't like sleeping alone after I lie with someone."

"Jinyoung." Jaebum said looking at him, "you should find a steady partner." He wished he could say, like me, but he just didn't. Jinyoung rolled his eyes. 

"Will you just get in the bed Jaebum." Jinyoung said softly, "I'm your prince, and I want you to do it." 

"Jin..." Jaebum sighed. 

"Do you have somewhere to be?" Jinyoung raised a brow. "another stable girl?" 

"Jin, I- I have to stand guard." 

"You can guard me from the bed." 

"Jinyoung, we're not kids anymore, I shouldn't, we have duties now, you're a prince - not a boy and I'm your guard." 

"You're my best friend." He said quietly, "it's never been like that for me, I don't care about status or where we are from. We were both born and raised in the castle. We both stole cookies, we both grew here." 

Jaebum wanted to ask, if it's not status, why do you never invite me to bed you? why do you never look at me the way I look at you? Why am I still not good enough for you? "Just this once then." Jaebum said, "but let me get new blankets, your friend left his mark on these." 

Jinyoung laughed a little, but didn't complain while Jaebum changed the bedding before getting into the bed with Jinyoung, and Jinyoung pulled his arm around him. "This is nice" he said softly, Jaebum smiled at how content Jinyoung sounded. "I wish you could guard me like this every night." 

Jaebum tried not to laugh, pressing close to Jinyoung as they had when they were younger. "You know what people would say. How inappropriate it would be." 

"We used to sleep like this every night." Jinyoung said softly. "Why did we stop?" He sounded tired, Jaebum could put off answering if he wanted. Jaebum could not pinpoint when it stopped, they had just gotten too old, Jinyoungs father - the king - had openly disapproved, and Jaebum's father had told him he needed to think more carefully about how people view him and Jinyoung's friendship. They had remained close, the sleepovers were just less and less common, until they just stopped. Jaebum knew that there was no real good reason why they had stopped, he could not think now, knowing how good Jinyoung felt in his arms like this. 

"We just grew up Jinyoung." 

"I don't want to." He mumbled, "being a prince isn't what I wanted." he mumbled sleepily, "envoys can't fill the gap." Jinyoung said softly, although with a pain that Jaebum could feel, holding Jinyoung a little tighter, "maybe it's good, if I were to open my heart to him, everything would be at risk. Imagine my father if he knew that all three of his children like men." 

"The king just wants what is best for the kingdom." Jaebum said dutifully, "he just can't understand why you would long for another man when you need to produce an heir." He said giving Jinyoung's hand a small squeeze.

"I need an heir." He said softly, and then stopped talking. Jaebum knew the other well enough to know he was not asleep, but he also knew that if Jinyoung wanted to talk about it, he would. Jaebum rested his head where they normally did, where they lay together. Jaebum woke up on the time of his normal shift pattern. He got up from the bed and then started to get ready for the day, he wanted to get down for breakfast. He had to eat with the other staff - regardless of his position. He went in and sat down where he normally did, Youngjae eyed him. 

"So our prince took another envoy..." Youngjae trailed off, Jaebum knew why Youngjae was talking about this, as the Prince's advisor and the other friend that they had both grown up with - so he knew everything but that meant he saw more than Jaebum wanted him to. "It really is abhorrent that you are required to guard him while he has his fun, when it breaks your heart to hear." 

"Youngjae." Jaebum said glaring at the other, "someone has to look after the prince, someone has to make sure that the idiots from other countries don't go and blow it for the prince, you know as well as I do, what will happen if his father found that he lies with other men." 

"Do you think we could bridge it with, 'Well he does a lot for international relations'?" Jaebum couldn't help but laugh at Youngjae's suggestion - as if it was not completely ridiculous. "Have you ever told him how you felt?" 

"Please Youngjae, you'd know if I had - I'd be moved as a guard, he'd have me moved and you know how I feel about the other guards, I can't trust that they would protect him, and all of him, all of his secrets, because he needs so much more protecting that he will ever admit." 

"Jae," Youngjae said, "maybe if he didn't care for you it would be best to be moved, maybe you could go back to tumbling with stable hands." 

"You know Jin still holds that against me. Soomi was my first kiss." 

"She was your first a lot of things." 

"Well yes, she was, and Jinyoung did not talk to me for so long because of it, because he said we were growing apart - I mean, I wasn't doing anything that was illegal or would lead us down separate paths, if she'd been my match we would have married and lived and worked in the palace still, so I cannot understand why he was so upset about it." Jaebum sighed, "I mean, he said it was to do with his preferences for males, but trust me, I think he's more than made up for the time I had a girlfriend and you don't see me avoiding him because he has sex with every single envoy who shows even a hint of interest in men - and there must be rumours about him outside of our kingdom because it seems like they have all sent the kind of man who is willing to bed a prince." 

"Mark... the one before this one, he was cute right?" Youngjae said biting his lip. "but of course I'm an advisor and he was here for the prince - well not for having sex with him, I mean he did, and that's fine but he was, handsome, objectively, right?" 

Jaebum laughed a little, he'd never seen Youngjae getting flustered like this. "Did you speak to the envoy?" Jaebum smiled, "oh please tell me you kissed him."

"Of course I did not! He was an envoy and I am a diplomat, plus he seemed to only have eyes for Jinyoung." Youngjae said pushing the food around his plate. 

Every thing went back to normally as if Jackson and Mark had never happened, as if Jaebum could just will them away and Jinyoung would love him - although he was sure that Jinyoung did not even see him like that. He liked to watched him wistfully, wishing he could be more than just a guard and best friend. He loved the other man too much to keep going like this. He could not believe when yet another envoy arrived who was interested in Jinyoung. Jaebum wondered if there was a chance that they were all communicating about the prince, suggesting to send beautiful envoys who would happily lay with men in order to get a more favourable treaty. 

Youngjae sighed looking at Jinyoung and BamBam flirting with each other at the table. "Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine." 

"Then why do you look like you're going to impale BamBam if he keeps his hand on Jinyoung's thigh." 

"He's risking my prince's safety." Jaebum said as if that was the only reason. He knew that there was not going to be any danger, and he knew that the reason he wanted to stab BamBam in the hand was not because he was worried for the prince, but was rather his heart, his traitor heart that was in love with the man who never even looked at him. 

"You should swap your guard rotation." Youngjae said, but Jaebum knew he was just saying it - they both knew that Jaebum had to be the one who would guard Jinyoung because no one else could be trusted with the secret. No one else could be trusted with the one thing that would ruin the prince. 

After BamBam left, Jaebum having had to tell him to go through the kitchen three times, before the man left, almost sheepish to know that someone had heard, that someone knew what he had done. Jaebum stood back at the door, waiting for the movement to die down, so then he could go in and clean up. It didn't take too long usually, but today he could hear more shuffling and then eventually it turned to crying. He pushed open the door - he was now concerned the shy unassuming man had actually done something to hurt the prince -. He saw Jinyoung, lying on a pile of clean bedding, wrapped in his sleep robe, crying into the blankets, the dirty ones stripped from the bed. Jaebum sighed, coming in and kneeling down, gently running a hand through Jinyoung's hair. "Tell me what he did." Jaebum said softly. "I'll make sure to pay him back double." He was ready to leave this room and find the envoy, even if he had to go into every single room in the castle and tear out his heart. 

"It's not the envoy." Jinyoung said against the blankets. "I don't think you'd want to hurt the person who is making me cry." 

"Tell me what they did Jin, and if it's bad, I'll hunt them down - even if I have to travel across the world to find them." 

"They don't love me back." Jaebum's heart cracked, how could someone receive the love of the prince and not feel the same way about him. "It's stupid to get so upset about it, it is not like I can do anything about them. I can't marry them, I can't make them mine, but I wish they would love me. I wish they would want me back." 

Jaebum kept stroking the others hair, "they're stupid if they don't love you, you're our sun prince." 

"You don't understand." Jinyoung said softly, "I try, I try really hard to get them to look at me, sometimes I think they might but most of the days I can't feel anything but duty from them. I think of them when I bed others - which I know is awful but these envoys are only doing it because they think it will garner favour, none of them really want or care for the prince they are really with." 

Jaebum shook his head, "Tell me who they are, I will have them seen to for breaking your heart." 

"Jaebum." Jinyoung said softly, "I couldn't bear to see you beaten up." He looked away from the guard and Jaebum felt sick, he had been hurting Jinyoung all this time, when they could have been together, he had been standing guard while Jinyoung lay with men that weren't him, when he could have been the one invited into the prince's chambers. "Can you please say something." Jinyoung said, "I understand if you want to be moved." 

"No, I don't want to be moved, I was, it's just, I've been trying so hard to hide that I love you, and you're just here saying you want me - and I don't understand." 

"Why?" Jinyoung said softly, looking up at Jaebum, biting his lip slightly.

"Why? I mean, really Jinyoung, why would you ever look at me, I'm just a guard, a soldier, and you're a prince. A beloved prince." He took a slow breath, "you could have anyone you wanted." 

"I want you." Jinyoung said slowly, and Jaebum moved to kiss him, kissing him slowly, softly, he wanted to show him that he cared - and not that he was overtaken by some sort of lust. He had always loved Jinyoung, and he knew that, but this was different, this was showing him and expressing it. He pulled back and pressed soft kissed to Jinyoung's cheek. "Can we sleep together tonight?" Jinyoung said quietly, "I was getting the clean sheets for you." He mumbled, and Jaebum laughed.

"We can, let me just set the bed up and then we can sleep tonight there." 

"Will you wake up with me?" Jinyoung said quietly. 

"I have to wake up earlier, for staff's breakfast." 

"Chef gives me more than enough for both of us every morning - and I will just say I had duties for you, if someone wants to know where you were."

Jaebum woke up the next morning and smiled at the prince who was watching him, gently tracing the pad of one finger over the moles on the guard's face. "Having fun?" 

"I can't believe you stayed." 

Days later, Jaebum came to sit in the staff dining room and smiled at the diplomat as he sat down, Youngjae just looked at Jaebum and sighed, "I would say congratulations you both stopped being complete fools, as now I think it's safe to say the eating breakfast together is going to be a permanent thing." Youngjae sighed a little, "but you know his father is expecting him to marry this year, you two really decided to take this to the wire, didn't you?" 

"Don't remind me." Jaebum sighed, leaning against the stables, knowing that they would not be eavesdropped on here, the hands were all on their break and no one would even know, well they might be able to assume, but no one would take the word of a stable hand over the crown princes guard. "Do you know when?" 

"Chuseok, after Chuseok there will a ball and all eligible females will be here, all vying to take his hand - and some looking to take the hand of the guards, or advisors to improve their social standing." Youngjae sighed again, "you know that after he picks a princess - which he will, you two will not be sharing bed chambers. He will be with his wife, he will be focussing on the creation of an heir." 

"I can't even think about that." Jaebum said quietly. 

"It is also possible, he could ask you." 

"Ask me?" 

"To... please don't make me say it." Youngjae stared at Jaebum. "but it happens, okay, sometimes a prince or king will ask their most trusted guard to help them with the heir making." 

"He wouldn't." 

"He might." Youngjae said with a small shrug. "We both know that you can get it up for a woman and I don't, our crown prince has never shown an inclination to an interest in women." 

"I am aware, Youngjae, he has only ever taken male lovers." 

"Ah yes, you guard the door, and get to listen." 

"I want you to know I hate you." 

"Fair." Youngjae shrugged, "I'll make sure you're on the front lines in our next battle." 

"Jin would never let you." 

"Oh, I can be persuasive."

"I really hate you." 

"Likewise. It is my job to protect the crown prince in all areas, including affairs of his heart and also things that might bring scandal to the family." 

"Please, Jae, I am more than discreet enough for him, and for you." 

"I know, but I don't see how this doesn't lead to ruin for you both." 

"I love you., honestly, we all grew up together Youngjae, but this is something you can't protect him from." Jaebum looked down, "I know I am going to break my heart, I know he is going to take a princess, a queen, and I know that I am just going to be the person who he fucks when he wants a release. I do know that is what will happen, and then he will be King and I will go to war, and if I die, he will not sit at my mourning in the position of a wife or lover. You are not the only person who thinks about the future Youngjae." 

"And you're happy with that?" 

"I have loved him since the day we met." Jaebum said quietly. 

"You were four." 

"And?" 

"You were four years old and irrevocably in love with the prince?" 

"Yes." Jaebum said with a shrug. 

"Right." Youngjae rolled his eyes a little. 

Jinyoung liked to just sit around the grounds and talk, sometimes they just sat there thinking, just enjoying being together. Jinyoung was comfort, they were comfortable together, they were not without problems. Not without issues, but they were just happy to be together. Jaebum wanted to ask about what would happen after the ball, after Jinyoung picked his wife, but he could not bring himself to just open his mouth. Jinyoung and he were lying in one of the fields looking up at the sky, just watching the clouds pass-by, they were far enough down the estate that no one would ever find them, they could just get lost out here forever, and Jaebum wondered sometimes if maybe that would be ideal. if he should chose for that to happen. To run away with Jinyoung, could he manage it? He would never be able to provide Jinyoung with the life he deserved. Jinyoung said his name and pulled him out of his thoughts. He looked at Jinyoung who was still just staring up at the sky. "I'm going to get married Jae." 

"I know." Jaebum said softly, "I've been trying not to think about it." 

"It's all I can think about." Jinyoung said, rolling onto his side and pressing a kiss to Jaebum's cheek. "I've been thinking about you though, not about the girls or anything." Jinyoung cuddled up to him, they never really felt safe enough to do this out of the room, but here was safe. Here was a place that only they or Youngjae would come. "I don't want to lose you." Jinyoung said, his head resting on Jaebum's chest. "I need you. I love you." 

"I love you too Jinyoung." Jaebum said softly, gently rubbing over the other's back. "I'm not going anywhere." 

The ball was nice, there were many beautiful women in equally beautiful gowns, but the only person Jaebum could see was the crown prince, who was looking slightly uncomfortable, women being paraded in front of him. He hated it, Jaebum could not stand watching the women preen over his prince, the man he was in love with. He wished he could go and present himself as an option, although staff were not permitted to present themselves. Jaebum would never be accepted, even if he had been a woman, his status would never permit him to even look at the prince - but tonight, he knew he would be the one tumbling into bed with the prince and none of these girls would ever stand a chance of replacing him. He loved the weird pleasure that he got from that fact. 

Youngjae came over and handed him a glass of wine. "If you stare any harder you might set fire to those girls." 

"Well they're being shameless." 

"Like me catching you with your mouth on our prince's crown jewels in the library was classy?" 

"Classier than them, they're practically shoving their breasts in his face." Jaebum glared at the girl who was currently showing herself off to the prince. "And you could have knocked." 

"It's a library, why would I knock?" 

"Because we were busy!" Jaebum said with a little shrug, "who do you think he is going to chose?" 

"I think maybe Nayeon, she is very pretty, and she dances beautifully, she can sing too." Youngjae said with a little smile, "Her father is a decent level landowner and it would be a nice match for their genetics. I think his father wants him to pick Jeongyeon - but I don't think that he will do that. Jeongyeon would be a good strategic match, but Jinyoung is not thinking about that." Youngjae nudged Jaebum who was grinding his teeth. "Please, he's not thinking about intimacy, but I think he will think who will match him best in terms of looks and personality. He wants to marry someone who will not hate their life with him, especially as he cannot give them the loving aspect of the relationship." 

"Right."

"Well his heart belongs to some stupid guard, and he wants to chose someone who will not be melancholic, someone who will enjoy their time in the palace, even if it doesn't involves doing illicit things in libraries." 

"We also had some fun in the lake." 

"Oh I'm sure you did, but for now we have to watch him pick a bride and be happy when we see who it is." 

"I'm not sure I can quite manage happy." 

"Well maybe don't glare at her like you're going to stab her with any sharp object you can get your hands on." 

"I'll stab her with something blunt, it will hurt more." 

"Lovely." Youngjae rolled his eyes at his friend. 

That night Jaebum felt a small pang of victory when he was the one who got to spend the night with the prince. Jinyoung looked at Jaebum, moving to push his hair back so he could see his face. Jaebum did not want to mention it now, while they were coming down from their highs, but he could not wait to see what the future would hold. "Did you pick a girl?" 

"It was weird." Jinyoung said softly. "I mean, it would be weird, even if I liked girls, like I like you." Jinyoung said giving Jaebum a soft kiss. "I felt bad for the girls, having to come to the palace and show themselves off like that, some of them were brought here by their fathers or brothers and not because they really wanted too and that was weird. It was difficult." 

"Yeah," Jaebum said softly, "Some of them were really pretty." 

"Yes, I mean, they were nice. I've never really, thought about it. About women." Jinyoung sighed, Jaebum knew this about Jinyoung, but they did not talk about it often. It was something Jaebum suspected caused Jinyoung to feel like he let his family down. "Nayeon, I think she is the girl I am going to chose." 

"Youngjae thought you would pick her." 

"Do you like her?" Jinyoung asked quietly. 

"You're not going to ask me to share her bed are you?" Jaebum said tensing a little and Jinyoung shook his head. 

"Of course not, if I- I, was going to ask someone I would ask Youngjae." He said a flush grazing his cheek. "I would never ask you, I would be too jealous, and too worried that you would fall out of love with me and in love with her." He said softly and Jaebum kissed him slowly. 

"I would never fall out of love with you." 

"Nayeon is very pretty." Jinyoung said with a little shrug.

"But she is nothing compared to the sun." Jaebum said cupping the others cheek, and rubbing his thumb over it. "You are the sun prince, my sun, no matter who else is around, you are the one who shines the brightest." 

"How do you know just what to say to make me feel better?" Jinyoung asked with a little laugh, moving to kiss Jaebum a little harder. "We have a few days before she comes, we have time to just enjoy each other." Jinyoung said with a cheeky grin. "You know my father isn't going to be watching me so closely now he knows I'm off to produce an heir." 

"Are we... are you?" 

"I-, Well I don't know if I can... but we're not talking about that today. Today is us." Jinyoung smiled brightly. "Today is me and the person I would marry if I really could choose anyone I wanted. I would pick you no matter who was brought before me." 

"There are some very handsome men in our kingdom." 

"Really? Where can I find these handsome men" Jinyoung teased, "none would compare to the man I love." 

"You're silly." 

"You are, if you think I would ever stray. I don't think my heart is even capable of it." 

Idyllic days passed as they pretended that it just was not going to happen. The morning of Jinyoung's wife's arrival Jaebum felt as if he was losing everything. He knew he had to act the way that was expected but he just could not bear the idea that they would have to go back to not speaking of their feelings - and what if the new princess wanted to share a bed with her husband, it was not the sex that Jaebum would miss, although he would miss that. It was the idea that he would never get to be completely alone with the other again. 

Nayeon came to the palace with three hand maidens, Jinyoung was stood to greet his fiance and Jaebum was at his side, as was his role. Nayeon was pretty, she was more than that, she was beautiful. She and Jinyoung would be a fine genetic match and he was sure their children would have unrivaled good looks. She paid her respects before the staff showed her to her own quarters, her own handmaidens in tow. Jinyoung said nothing. 

It was only a few days later that Nayeon cornered Jaebum and insisted he have tea with her. Nayeon eyed Jaebum, her lips quirked into a smile. "So how long have you and my husband been sharing a bed?" 

"Wh-What?" Jaebum eyed the other, how did she know? What did she know? What did she want to gain from this?

"I asked, how long you have been intimate with my husband. I know it's long than I have, but I would like an answer. I am still learning the palace and the staff - and as you are his guard and his bedfellow that would make you one of the most important people I get to know." 

"I don't know what you're talking about." Jaebum said, trying to think of some form of out to this conversation. Nayeon just sighed, she was obviously getting bored with this conversation. 

"Just drop the pretense Jaebum, I just want an honest answer." 

"Over half a year before you came." 

Nayeon nodded, "I see, and he has never lain with a woman before me." Jaebum nodded, "I never had lain with a man before him." She bit her lip, "but I think this situation works out for both of us. I have a lover, one of my handmaidens, and you - the guard - loves the prince. Jinyoung and I will arrange how many children we want, and how we will go about that. But other than that, you stay in his room and I in mine." 

"Right." 

"You don't seem very enthused, and he isn't nearly subtle enough to hide it from me. He cares very deeply for you, so please, don't hurt my husband." 

"I was thinking the same thing. I just don't know if I can trust you." 

"I just told you I lie with women, and you think I'm a danger to you and the prince's secret? I know how lucky I am to have a man who is going to be okay with me having a female lover, and I just want to give back to you both, he deserves to be happy - and trust me, if we're both getting satisfied, it will make everything easier, it will make everything go smoother." 

"If the King finds out-" 

"I know- but one day Jinyoung will be the King, and maybe we can be more open in the castle, we won't be conventional, but we will be happy." 

Jinyoung was just lying on his back, looking up at the ceiling, when Jaebum got into the bed and pressed a soft kiss to the prince's cheek. "So I spoke to your wife. Did you know that she lies with women?" 

"Yes." Jinyoung said plainly, "She told me." 

"And you didn't tell me?" 

"Why would it matter?" 

"I don't know because it means I get to stay here." 

"You were always going to stay here Jaebum, you're the love of my life."


End file.
